80% whining, 20% sarcasm

Freshman year of high school.
Before my Dad got sick and had 5 surgeries, I was in Drama club. I had a TON of friends. I went to cast parties. I went to other get togethers - people liked me. I got to paint every day after school and I loved it. I loved the shows, I loved singing Bohemian Rhapsody three times a day because the only CD anyone ever brought was a goddamn Queen’s Greatest Hits CD and it just looped for 3 hours.
Dad got sick early sophomore year, and I had to stop going to that because
1) Dan was only 11 and Mom was convinced he needed someone at home and Dan did a lot of stupid stuff so she was right about that
2) Mom was at the hospital with Dad every day for a full month during his first hospital stay and usually wouldn’t get home until 9 or 10 - so I had no one to pick me up

After his first surgery I tried going back to Drama club but I had been gone for so long that I had fallen out of the cliques. Maybe that proves they weren’t real friends after all, but I was happy with them at least.

I miss it. 

I am straight, and I know it’s possible to be completely straight because I am.

I’ve never been curious as to what it would be like to kiss a girl, and I’m actually pretty uncomfortable touching other women in general. Or other people in general unless I know them really well.

That being said, it’s not like I’m sexually repressed. I really, really enjoy sex … but only with men. Preferably men with deep voices and body hair and abs if I can find them. God, I love abs. I would form a religion around abs if I could. Abitarianism?

 

I don’t even do drugs and I would snort cocaine off of those. 

I’ll answer this for relationships because I don’t have problems with anyone friend-wise so long as they’re not overly mean to me or nails on chalkboard irritating.

1. Initial attraction. This comes in a few different ways. I know I’m attracted to men with deep voices, curly hair, glasses/contacts, light eyes and/or proportionally broad shoulders. All of my boyfriends thus far have had one or more of these features.
2. Common interests. PC games and/or MMOs - you don’t have to play an MMO but I’d prefer you don’t hate them because I like them. Magic the Gathering. Pretty much any kind of nerd culture and you’ve got my attention.
3. Intelligence. Too much intimidates me and turns me off, but I need to be able to have some kind of meaningful conversation with you in which I feel like I’m learning something. You come into the relationship with something to teach and I’m willing to learn. I’d prefer if you liked documentaries.
4. Humor. There is a slight difference between being able to tell a joke, and just being funny. It’s something that’s different for everyone. It’s why some people like Larry the Cable Guy and some people like Borat and I like neither. If they mesh you just know, and I need that entertainment.
5. Issues. This is actually something I look for in people to rule them out, I’m currently too young and busy to deal with whatever unpacked baggage you’ve got. If you have an issue with something I choose to do in my spare time and you’re too busy, I do not have to stop it and I will not deal with your crap telling me otherwise. It’s my spare time.

I’m honestly not sure if this post is an either/or thing or a post both for comparison thing. I’m just gonna do both because I don’t post pictures of me very often. This picture is from June 2010, a family vacation way south of corn and soybeans Illinois on a little island which is technically in Alabama but is basically Florida. I had died my hair dark red in September 2009 and in the mean time it had slowly faded to the color you see up there. 
My aunt (who took the picture) is a photographer and photoshopped my face which is why my skin looks kind of weirdly (read: creepily) smooth.
 

This is a picture I took yesterday, I was just camwhoring a little bit under the excuse that I would use it later as a reference for when I start drawing again. I miss drawing - I used to do it all the time and I just don’t anymore.

There are always nitpicky things I don’t like about myself. I don’t like my eczema and I don’t like the fact that I have light acne triggered by stress. I think my nose is too big and I think it’s weird that I have teeth like my Dad’s. 

Dad’s the one on the very left. Also this is one of the only pictures I could find of myself at that angle AND smiling. Thanks Matt Mallon! (also MattMallon I saved this file as “myteethandMM.jpg” and now I can’t stop laughing at it)

But ANYWAY. ANYWAY. Even though there’s a lot of shit i don’t like about the way I look, in general I find myself pretty sexy on the outside and often teetering on the brink of awkward, awesome and bitchy on the inside.

Since I must quantify myself, I think of myself as an 8.

For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increases knowledge increases sorrow. 

Never been big into quotes - but I know a lot of Bible verses. I suppose I’m a bad Christian because I don’t live by any specific ones of those either. One of my exes does like this passage in Ecclesiastes, and the cynical side of me has taken a shine to it.

If I’m ever gonna find a job that makes me happy - or if I’m just gonna through my entire life like I have been.

I really don’t. I’m a very boring “go with the flow” kind of person.
About the closest is that I don’t think communism can’t work because people are dicks - working in fast food proves that to me every time I work. 

Finally having time to play Portal 2.

I played the first section of it at my cousin’s house the other day and I want it so bad. Got $15 gift card to Game Stop, it shall be mine. Once I can get back on my computer that is.
I also want an excuse to buy this dress but it’s almost $50 an I don’t dress up enough to justify it. 

1. Buy Portal 2
2. Beat the shit out of Portal 2
3. Figure out what I want to do
4. Start drawing again
5. Go outside, get in better shape
6. Read a lot more than I have been
     6a. Read Ender’s Game
     6b. Read Hunger Games (and the other books that go with it)
     6c. Pick up some comic book to follow, I like the movies too much not to
7. Maybe get a job working nights to pick up more hours
8. Get myself a car or at least a bike for school